measuring worth using someone else's scale

when you said 'this probably isn't the smartest thing to do',
I thought to myself 'nothing about us is smart',
but I didn't tell you that,
because I didn't want you to stop,
I wanted you to keep going,
I hoped that eventually the rhythm of things would change you,
change your feelings towards me,
and eventually I hoped your whole self would change into someone else.
So, I whispered back that it was allright,
and if you wanted - I'd drive you home.

that moment I realized that you treat me exactly how I let you treat me.
and I wished you'd suddenly treat me to a suicide,
or a root beer float,
or even a movie.
I wished I hadn't walked away from something worthwhile just to end up with you,
trying to make it worth my while.

I keep quiet - help you get your shit together and wonder how long it will be until you bother to speak to me again.
but I'm too scared to ask, cause deep down I know,
I just don't matter that much.
and it's so much easier to leave things grey,
then have to deal with the black and white.