inside

i sat in a seat like everyone else's seat
and i took down notes here and there
on paper that was like everyone else's paper
with a pen that was any pen
and i died and rotted and was reborn a million times over.
i heard music that no one else heard
that maybe you were hearing
that you had heard me sing
that i had heard you sing not long ago.
it wasn't legitimate anger; it was redneck anger.
loud redneck anger that made us laugh
and didn't allow us to finish the phrase.
but it became legitimate anger as the night went on,
which also took the words from my mouth.
i wrote out the lyrics
that always make me think of you
and my paper diverged from the papers of the rest in the room.
my paper became my mind
reaching for you.
i wanted to know that you were alright.
i wanted to know that we were alright.
but you and we don't really live inside of words like alright.
i just sat in a seat like everyone else
and i died and rotted and hoped and remembered
because it's all i could do today.