I don't know what i believe in.
I don't know why you believe in me.

I dont know what's driving my feelings.
I dont know what has been feeling me.

I can't help but hope that there's something.
Something that knows what my eyes can't see.

Maybe that something is inside me.
Maybe that something is all i'll be.

If there is
nothing,

if i'm coincedence
if i'm a face
that leads life to it's cercumstance
to find out why we belong here
or if chance has lead us wrong
then i'll die sad or happy,
no question of is this all.

Want to believe that this isn't the whole shibang.
If that's the case i might put all the world in flames.
Because why the fuck not.

Am I happy?
Am i settled?
Can i make myself a God,
who would lead me,
now that He conceived me,
into being what i always was?

If i starved myself to death
and all my thoughts became air born
would they make a bigger difference?

Chance is the best thing possible.
Never caring what is logical.
Never sparing whim nor hope,
Change is the best thing possible.
Noose drawn
silver rope.
And a crowd of ten thousand
will raise up their chins and
watch me choke.

Watch me choke.

I will die for a reason.
sure i dont know why.
But i'm tired of feeling.
I'll bleed and cry 'till my pain's outside.

Look around and you'll see them.
My tired eyes looking for a call
Desperation swears they believe in
a meaningful rise that comes before the fall.

Stab me in the gut.

I'll die slowly and painfully,
with too much BLANK to worry about why
i'm happy to die here,
or why
pain is all i want in life.

Close Enough to be Fooled

If I could just shut up for a minute,
I'd see through this whole facade,
I talk too much and I'm such a bore,
If I thought for a moment, I'd surely see,
You're faking those smiles,
Your kisses aren't real,
You just haven't found what you're after,
So you'll stick around with me,
While you pass the time.

I think I'm a wonder drug to you,
I keep you high while you're feeling low,
My words are so sweet and warm,
I'm willing to give you what you want,
My smiles want too much,
My kisses are true,
I haven't found what I'm after,
But I'm such a pretender,
It's hard to tell.

These fleeting glances have all gone,
There's nothing real left to say,
You don't love me, you never will,
I'm just out to feel the thrill,
But we'll smile like it's right,
And we'll kiss to be vain,
Never quite getting what we wanted,
Never really wanting,
It at all.

i told you so

we are laughing at each other,
how far we have come in our undoing.

the politics of getting old are lost on us,
we're too busy having fun.
we're losing peices of ourself all over town,
loving things we shouldn't just so we have something to remember,
loving things we shouldn't just so we know what if feels like to love.

our old friends pity us,
their eyes don't see pink, or any shade near it, when they look at us,
when we look at them it just reminds us to thank god we left that behind.

look, look how far we've come!
it's like night and day,
the difference between a girl who doesn't know how to hold a tube of lipstick and the one who can move her body with such confidence that men lust,
and we are supposed to believe we've done something wrong?

i look at the world reflected in eyes that have never known such happiness,
razor blades that are only used to shave legs,
the idea of tomorrow that you only want to put off so you can enjoy today more,
and i think;
i'd rather fear death, than spend a life waiting to die.

(i want the perfect line to end this..)